Thursday, November 20, 2008


Yesterday, I cooked homemade chili in the crock pot all day. It smelled so good when I got home that I immediately got started on the corn bread. Last time I cooked corn bread, I used baking soda instead of baking powder. I was determined to give it another shot (like corn bread is so hard to make...) and make a really good dinner. So I mix it all up, and stick the pan in the oven. As I was sticking it in the oven, the top of my hand brushed the top of the oven.
Since Paul and I have been married, I've burned myself putting things in the oven just about every time I use the stinkin thing! I'm pretty careless about it and then I get so mad at myself for it! So now, I'm going to have another big scar on my hand that's about as big as a quarter.
When I was little, I was a huge "Tom Boy". I don't think I'll ever grow completely out of it... But back then, I accumulated tons of scars. I don't even know what some of them are from. I never wore shorts and hardly ever even wore capris because of my scars, scrapes and bruises everywhere. Mom used to joke that I'd be a leg model when I grew up. (That would have been nice!) The scars became more abundant when I started shaving... and obviously they haven't stopped yet!
There are different kinds of scars though. 'Scars' of the heart. There are a few things that have happened in my life that have 'scared' my heart. Sometimes I think about them and they make me very sad, but most recently I've been thinking of one particular thing that scared and has scared countless lives.
I will never be able to forget the day that Lukas was diagnosed with cancer. I will never forget the Sunday we all were gathered out in the waiting room while Kurt, Heather, and Mom awaited the diagnosis in the room behind the closed doors. I wont forget the most inadequate feeling of hopelessness that I've ever felt when mom staggered through the doors and could hardly tell us what the doctor thought it was. I remember the looks on all the faces of the people around us as we got the news and the tears that came to strangers eyes. I wont forget this one particular lady who had brought her son in as she held him closer and kissed him on the head. I wont forget the first time I held him after his first surgery and how fragile he felt to me. I was so afraid that I might break him some how.
Then the weeks went on and we continued to spend time at the hospital with Kurt and Heather. I wont forget the transition (from the outside) that I was able to witness in their little family and the effect it had on all of us. I wont forget the power of faith that we all had. I wont forget the fasting that we did and the emotional peace that we all had.
It's now been a year (as of yesterday) that this scar formed. It's still tender, but I don't think that's a downfall. It's good to remember what happened to make us who we are today. It's amazing to think of the miracles that happened over and over again.
We are so, so, SO blessed to have Lukas still with us. We love him, so very dearly and we're so glad Heavenly Father let us keep this strong, healthy, loving brother, son, grandson, nephew, and cousin. He has his own scars to show the world. But even with the scars, he's a handsome, sweet little boy.

We Love You Lukas! :)


themacdonnells said...

Love you!

Chelsea said...

Beautifully said, i wish i could write things like that, cause thats exactly how i feel!! Your amazing! Love you!!